We know God is doing great work in our lives when the enemy brings on temptation and other forms of his attack even more. I went to church tonight and the service was great. I was constantly distracted and could not concentrate of service. God did speak to me a reminder of lessons already learned.

After service I was asked by several people if there was something wrong. Yes there is. I am depressed, but I should not be. I am safe and secure in the hands of Jesus and the hands of God, the Lord of Heaven.

My depression comes from having to look at my life. Almost being 40 and not having achieved anything in the life, as this world views everything, I don't have anything. When I was 30 I felt like this but hopped I would have married soon and have a family, now another ten years added to that, and I feel even worse. All that thinking and being reminded of my life in that way makes me feel very sad. However, God reminded me that when the enemy attacks in this way it is because God has something glorious coming. So I am joyful at the news from God.

In the last few months, I guess even the last few years, I have been realizing what has been holding me back and working towards changing that.

Thank God for many wonderful friends. Thank you for your prayers.

The cost of using technology can be measured in many ways. The cost of doing something stupid can be counted in the loss of friendships, marriages, family, and everything else in life.

My mind works in unusual ways. One little thing can go wild. Thursday and Friday, the last two days, I allowed myself to act on this little thing gone wild. I could have easily put a stop to it, but that did not happen. Now I have lost my dear friend.

My time with God this morning was revealing. God works in mysterious ways. The loss of this friend is just one of those ways. I just wish loosing my dear friend was not part of that. However, God has something greater. In times like this, doubt can come in. You just need to trust in the Lord no matter what is going on in life. Ask God for the strength to accept his plan.

I was being stupid about the way I handled the situation. I am truly truly truly sorry. You are right.

We can be our worse enemy. I have been writing this blog, and this morning I wrote in this blog about something that happened a few days ago that has been making me think of something that happened then years ago.

My dear friend read it and has become very angry with me. I am greatly sorry for this.

Sometimes we do things that are taken the wrong way and causes problems. I truly do not want to lose my dear friend. I pray that she will forgive and talk to me.

Misinterpretation! This seems to be the theme of my life. Having a brain injury means not thinking in a 'normal' way. For me I am not very emotional and getting excited about something does not produce many facial expressions and other typical reactions. Often times I have been in work related situations where something new was being introduced and everyone was excited, including me, and then some manager ask me why I'm not excited. I don't quite understand the jumping around people do when they are excited. I suppose that is one of the things my brain injury effected.

I tried to explain this to my dear friend I don't know if she understood me or even remembers. She too has a brain injury, however, her injury is different and more severe. Monday she had an exam at school. I took her to school. i enjoy helping her out. She, like any student, has stress before taking a test. I do what I can to not add any more stress to her life. I think she took my presumed reaction the wrong way. This is one of those times.

Yesterday I took off my commitment ring and gave it to her. Today I am not sure what I am feeling. Emotions are another thing that confuse me. I would like to talk with her, but at the same time I don't want to add any stress on her life. To me it seems like things are ending. I don't want that. I care about her and want to continue to see her.

This is one of those times in life where things can take a turn in one direction or another. I pray things are not over.

What times in your life have there been misinterpretations?

God's will verses Our will. I have been contemplating this all day. It came to me. I started this blog in order to weigh the relationship with my dear friend. My dear friend is not the 'perfect' woman I had envisioned growing up, however, she IS PERFECT.

Many times I have prayed about this relationship, that is wanting to know what God had planed for us. Every time I get the answer that my dear friend is the one God meant for me. Now I really like her and appreciate everything about her. I have held back, and it has lead to long periods of silence rather than meaningful conversation. Recently I have decided to have more meaningful conversations with her. At the same time I have been holding back trying keep from developing too close a connection with her. Still with all this I sincerely think God is telling me my dear friend is the one He has meant for me.

If I look at her and I, I can see how we complement each other, and relate to each other on a level unlike we can with 'normal' people. However, listing all the good and bad is for her and I to do, and not on a blog.

I look at my situation and wonder 'what God is doing knowing I do not have the means to move forward with a committed relationship with her'. Still God reminds me that His ways are perfect and I am to trust in Him. I am also reminded that God works in mysterious ways. My situation is very very very poor now, however, God is working on something miraculous. Do I know what God has planned? NO. However, I do know I can trust in God and continue to do as He says.

In the last moth or more, God has been showing me what it takes to be and do what it seems He has planned. I have prayed about it, and I quickly get an answer. I can feel God teaching and training me for the life he has in store for me. Part of this comes from being undone, as I have wrote about before. Further, issues I have are being exposed, such as the psychological evaluation, giving me clear directives to work on. One result is not having such strong OCD tendencies, and not experiencing PTSD. I will not say they are gone, however, I am saying I don't experience them like before.

More over. I can nit pick at every little thing and say 'no' to this friendship. However, God is telling me 'not to give up', that His plan is perfect even though I can not see what it is. I wrote a message to her one time and part of that message was:
I know God brought us into each others lives for a reason. I do wish to continue to be friends with you and see what other blessings, prayers, and works God will use our friendship for.

Only God can show us the future. I have thought about this and concluded with this. If we know the future then we may not work and struggle now while we wait for that fantastic future to come. But if we don't do the work it takes to get to that future then we miss out on something essential for that future. The struggles we go through are important to that future. Like the sin I wrote about in the 'undone' blog, the struggle I went through to break the temptation and not sin again was important for me to avoid falling into that sin now. Even now the temptation to fall back into that sin still comes my way, and with God and the struggle I went through, I am able to resist temptation and stay pure.

Even now I wonder what she feels God is telling her.

I am reminded that my dear friend is a prime cut from God's heart. She is to be loved and cherished no matter what life throws at me. Just as Jesus loves us in this way, I love Jesus even more.

God reminds me often 'not to sin in anger'. This I have written on before, and there are times my dear friend keeps testing me. As I was driving today the thought of how much a blessing my dear friend is to me filled my mind. right now I can not tell her the significance of this and maybe one day I can. For now it is a tremendous blessing to do things for her. Each time I ask her about something specific to do for her, she may or may not say yes. However these are things God has put on my heart to do. When she does say yes, the overwhelming joy of God fills me.

Being of service to others is what Jesus did. Being of service to my dear friend has laid the foundation for me to build on to be of joyful service to others. It has worked for me at work. I am no longer miserable at work. But that is just one small example. I know there are many more ways that God is going to use this dear friend and all He tells me to for her to enrich my life and the lives of others.