God's will verses Our will. I have been contemplating this all day. It came to me. I started this blog in order to weigh the relationship with my dear friend. My dear friend is not the 'perfect' woman I had envisioned growing up, however, she IS PERFECT.

Many times I have prayed about this relationship, that is wanting to know what God had planed for us. Every time I get the answer that my dear friend is the one God meant for me. Now I really like her and appreciate everything about her. I have held back, and it has lead to long periods of silence rather than meaningful conversation. Recently I have decided to have more meaningful conversations with her. At the same time I have been holding back trying keep from developing too close a connection with her. Still with all this I sincerely think God is telling me my dear friend is the one He has meant for me.

If I look at her and I, I can see how we complement each other, and relate to each other on a level unlike we can with 'normal' people. However, listing all the good and bad is for her and I to do, and not on a blog.

I look at my situation and wonder 'what God is doing knowing I do not have the means to move forward with a committed relationship with her'. Still God reminds me that His ways are perfect and I am to trust in Him. I am also reminded that God works in mysterious ways. My situation is very very very poor now, however, God is working on something miraculous. Do I know what God has planned? NO. However, I do know I can trust in God and continue to do as He says.

In the last moth or more, God has been showing me what it takes to be and do what it seems He has planned. I have prayed about it, and I quickly get an answer. I can feel God teaching and training me for the life he has in store for me. Part of this comes from being undone, as I have wrote about before. Further, issues I have are being exposed, such as the psychological evaluation, giving me clear directives to work on. One result is not having such strong OCD tendencies, and not experiencing PTSD. I will not say they are gone, however, I am saying I don't experience them like before.

More over. I can nit pick at every little thing and say 'no' to this friendship. However, God is telling me 'not to give up', that His plan is perfect even though I can not see what it is. I wrote a message to her one time and part of that message was:
I know God brought us into each others lives for a reason. I do wish to continue to be friends with you and see what other blessings, prayers, and works God will use our friendship for.

Only God can show us the future. I have thought about this and concluded with this. If we know the future then we may not work and struggle now while we wait for that fantastic future to come. But if we don't do the work it takes to get to that future then we miss out on something essential for that future. The struggles we go through are important to that future. Like the sin I wrote about in the 'undone' blog, the struggle I went through to break the temptation and not sin again was important for me to avoid falling into that sin now. Even now the temptation to fall back into that sin still comes my way, and with God and the struggle I went through, I am able to resist temptation and stay pure.

Even now I wonder what she feels God is telling her.