We know God is doing great work in our lives when the enemy brings on temptation and other forms of his attack even more. I went to church tonight and the service was great. I was constantly distracted and could not concentrate of service. God did speak to me a reminder of lessons already learned.

After service I was asked by several people if there was something wrong. Yes there is. I am depressed, but I should not be. I am safe and secure in the hands of Jesus and the hands of God, the Lord of Heaven.

My depression comes from having to look at my life. Almost being 40 and not having achieved anything in the life, as this world views everything, I don't have anything. When I was 30 I felt like this but hopped I would have married soon and have a family, now another ten years added to that, and I feel even worse. All that thinking and being reminded of my life in that way makes me feel very sad. However, God reminded me that when the enemy attacks in this way it is because God has something glorious coming. So I am joyful at the news from God.

In the last few months, I guess even the last few years, I have been realizing what has been holding me back and working towards changing that.

Thank God for many wonderful friends. Thank you for your prayers.

The cost of using technology can be measured in many ways. The cost of doing something stupid can be counted in the loss of friendships, marriages, family, and everything else in life.

My mind works in unusual ways. One little thing can go wild. Thursday and Friday, the last two days, I allowed myself to act on this little thing gone wild. I could have easily put a stop to it, but that did not happen. Now I have lost my dear friend.

My time with God this morning was revealing. God works in mysterious ways. The loss of this friend is just one of those ways. I just wish loosing my dear friend was not part of that. However, God has something greater. In times like this, doubt can come in. You just need to trust in the Lord no matter what is going on in life. Ask God for the strength to accept his plan.

I was being stupid about the way I handled the situation. I am truly truly truly sorry. You are right.

We can be our worse enemy. I have been writing this blog, and this morning I wrote in this blog about something that happened a few days ago that has been making me think of something that happened then years ago.

My dear friend read it and has become very angry with me. I am greatly sorry for this.

Sometimes we do things that are taken the wrong way and causes problems. I truly do not want to lose my dear friend. I pray that she will forgive and talk to me.

Misinterpretation! This seems to be the theme of my life. Having a brain injury means not thinking in a 'normal' way. For me I am not very emotional and getting excited about something does not produce many facial expressions and other typical reactions. Often times I have been in work related situations where something new was being introduced and everyone was excited, including me, and then some manager ask me why I'm not excited. I don't quite understand the jumping around people do when they are excited. I suppose that is one of the things my brain injury effected.

I tried to explain this to my dear friend I don't know if she understood me or even remembers. She too has a brain injury, however, her injury is different and more severe. Monday she had an exam at school. I took her to school. i enjoy helping her out. She, like any student, has stress before taking a test. I do what I can to not add any more stress to her life. I think she took my presumed reaction the wrong way. This is one of those times.

Yesterday I took off my commitment ring and gave it to her. Today I am not sure what I am feeling. Emotions are another thing that confuse me. I would like to talk with her, but at the same time I don't want to add any stress on her life. To me it seems like things are ending. I don't want that. I care about her and want to continue to see her.

This is one of those times in life where things can take a turn in one direction or another. I pray things are not over.

What times in your life have there been misinterpretations?

God's will verses Our will. I have been contemplating this all day. It came to me. I started this blog in order to weigh the relationship with my dear friend. My dear friend is not the 'perfect' woman I had envisioned growing up, however, she IS PERFECT.

Many times I have prayed about this relationship, that is wanting to know what God had planed for us. Every time I get the answer that my dear friend is the one God meant for me. Now I really like her and appreciate everything about her. I have held back, and it has lead to long periods of silence rather than meaningful conversation. Recently I have decided to have more meaningful conversations with her. At the same time I have been holding back trying keep from developing too close a connection with her. Still with all this I sincerely think God is telling me my dear friend is the one He has meant for me.

If I look at her and I, I can see how we complement each other, and relate to each other on a level unlike we can with 'normal' people. However, listing all the good and bad is for her and I to do, and not on a blog.

I look at my situation and wonder 'what God is doing knowing I do not have the means to move forward with a committed relationship with her'. Still God reminds me that His ways are perfect and I am to trust in Him. I am also reminded that God works in mysterious ways. My situation is very very very poor now, however, God is working on something miraculous. Do I know what God has planned? NO. However, I do know I can trust in God and continue to do as He says.

In the last moth or more, God has been showing me what it takes to be and do what it seems He has planned. I have prayed about it, and I quickly get an answer. I can feel God teaching and training me for the life he has in store for me. Part of this comes from being undone, as I have wrote about before. Further, issues I have are being exposed, such as the psychological evaluation, giving me clear directives to work on. One result is not having such strong OCD tendencies, and not experiencing PTSD. I will not say they are gone, however, I am saying I don't experience them like before.

More over. I can nit pick at every little thing and say 'no' to this friendship. However, God is telling me 'not to give up', that His plan is perfect even though I can not see what it is. I wrote a message to her one time and part of that message was:
I know God brought us into each others lives for a reason. I do wish to continue to be friends with you and see what other blessings, prayers, and works God will use our friendship for.

Only God can show us the future. I have thought about this and concluded with this. If we know the future then we may not work and struggle now while we wait for that fantastic future to come. But if we don't do the work it takes to get to that future then we miss out on something essential for that future. The struggles we go through are important to that future. Like the sin I wrote about in the 'undone' blog, the struggle I went through to break the temptation and not sin again was important for me to avoid falling into that sin now. Even now the temptation to fall back into that sin still comes my way, and with God and the struggle I went through, I am able to resist temptation and stay pure.

Even now I wonder what she feels God is telling her.

I am reminded that my dear friend is a prime cut from God's heart. She is to be loved and cherished no matter what life throws at me. Just as Jesus loves us in this way, I love Jesus even more.

God reminds me often 'not to sin in anger'. This I have written on before, and there are times my dear friend keeps testing me. As I was driving today the thought of how much a blessing my dear friend is to me filled my mind. right now I can not tell her the significance of this and maybe one day I can. For now it is a tremendous blessing to do things for her. Each time I ask her about something specific to do for her, she may or may not say yes. However these are things God has put on my heart to do. When she does say yes, the overwhelming joy of God fills me.

Being of service to others is what Jesus did. Being of service to my dear friend has laid the foundation for me to build on to be of joyful service to others. It has worked for me at work. I am no longer miserable at work. But that is just one small example. I know there are many more ways that God is going to use this dear friend and all He tells me to for her to enrich my life and the lives of others.

Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead,
 (Philippians 3:13-14, NIV)
Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before,
(Philippians 3:13-14, KJV)

I made a commitment to God. Many times I have been tested and finally in July after meeting my dear friend God tole me it was time for me to wear this ring I have. The ring is my visual/physical reminder of this commitment and the plans God has for me. Whenever I am temped, get frustrated, feel like giving up, and many other distractions that pull at me, I am reminded by God to look at the ring and remember. Yesterday, due to a misunderstanding, lack of communication, and possibly some other underling issues, I was getting to the breaking point. I had to stop and take some time NOT TO ACT IN ANGER.

My dear friend was with me and twice I left her in the car alone. It was in that time God spoke to me. I was reminded NOT TO GIVE UP. I was reminded that God has a plan an these times are there to help her and I grow. Like going through a valley in life you draw closer to God and God does some of his best work in your life. When things are going great in life we tend to miss out on some of the things God is doing in our life. So in times when my dear friend and I are having a bad time, it is a time where God is doing some of his best work in us.

Soon after we are happy and laughing as if all was right with the world. Next month my dear friend is turning 30. She has expressed sadness for not achieving some things in life. But then again Jesus started his ministry when he was 30. So I see great things ready to be done by my dear friend when she is 30.

Stifling God. Any person looking to God would find this offensive. The idea of butting an end to God is inconceivable. But today in men's bible study this subject was brought up. It was stated that there are some Christians that work against God and hinder other Christians.

This hit home for me. My dear friend had told me several times where one 'Christian' friend or another advised her not to be friends with men, and not to be friends with me. Good thing is she did not follow their advice. Looking at the prayers God has answered and the blessings God has given her and I through our friendship would NEVER have happened if she did as those 'friends' advised her.

Personally these blessings extend further than just with the friendship. Because of this friendship, work is better, and I am not experiencing PTSD and OCD episodes as much any more. I find it hard to say when the last tiem I experienced PTSD, however, I am still having  some small incidences of OCD, the difficult kind. There are many other prayers and blessings I can talk about as a result of this friendship, and my dear friend has talked about some of the prayers and blessings God has given her, however, all that would not have happened if she followed the advice she'd been given.

There are times we seek advice or give advice that we should take to God in prayer. If we look towards the bible before giving advice we are more likely to work in God's plan instead of hindering His plan. Clearly God intended my dear friend and I to meet and strike up this friendship. God continues to work in our lives through the friendship.

If you find yourself in such a position, you should ask a few questions including if this was set up by God. No one wants to be the one who destroys God's plans. You may think you are doing the right thing, but you still need to go to God about it. There is nothing wrong with asking God for direction.

How would you feel if you were the one who gave this kind of advice and when you get to the judgment, God shows you what He had planned with this friendship and your advice ended it all?

What are you hunting for? This was the theme of a t-shirt I'd seen yesterday. On the shirt it had deer. Then there was this passage: 'As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, my God.'

What are you searching for in life? This is the ultimate question. When we search for God, all other things in life become unimportant. God then directs us. What truly is important in life soon becomes important to us. With Jesus as the center of our lives, all other things in life begin to take their place of importance and order of priority.

JOY. This is not just a name but an acronym. I have been working on this for the last few months. It means: Jesus, Others, You.

I had been focused on myself for years, and going to church. My priorities were out of line. This lack of alignment contributed to the poor situation I began writing about. When we put our priorities inline with God everything else falls into line.

When God answers a prayer you've been praying the joy is so overwhelming. God continues to answer my prayers even yesterday and this morning. Yesterday my dear friend asked me to cook for her. I had been wanting to do that for a while. I did some cooking for her, but still every time I do it is a joy for me. Then I asked her if I could do something else for her and she said yes. I am still pleased to have these opportunities and serve my dear friend.

Yesterday on my way to work the radio was talking about how our society is disconnected. It was a sermon from Chuck Swindoll. He mentioned in the first time God said it was not good was when man was alone. Part or the sermon he mentioned that technology give us the promise of connections without the intimacy of personal interactions

I can relate to this in my life. I tended to connect with people through the computer but fail to have the human connection. When I went to church after service there was the fellowship time and I met some people but still did not feel comfortable. I had some friends, but I felt like there should be more.

i connected with people over the internet, but when we meet in person there was the awkwardness, some courtesy, and then keeping distant. The real personal human connection was not there. The internet connection was exciting and felt good, but then in person it was not the same. Some of these internet relationships ended after that.

Having a real personal connection is what God designed us for. Technology does not fill the void only Jesus and another real human being can fill.

"If you get mad at me, will you break into my place?" How would you respond to this question? Yesterday my dear friend asked me that very question. My answer is NO. I could not believe she was thinking like that. It never crossed my  mind. I could not conceive of ever doing something like that to her.

Weeks ago she put me in a position of great trust. I have not abused that trust. Thinking about it I am not sure if she was testing me or just gauging my response. There have been times where we put each other in positions of trust. thinking about it she is putting herself in the vulnerable position trusting me to do the correct thing. Not often have the roles been reversed.

The kind of people we have as friends is an indicator of our spiritual health and maturity. building trust with someone does take time. There are incidences where you can take a big leap and trust someone. How they handle your test will speak volumes about that person.

"Trust is earned, not given away." This has been my philosophy since childhood. It comes from being betrayed by friends, not understanding to world, and feeling like no one listens to me when it concerns myself. Therefore, for me to trust someone means a great deal. If someone betrays my trust, it is not likely I will ever trust them ever again. I can forgive them, however, trust is not coming back. If I ever do trust them again, it would take a very long time. Knowing that someone is willing to betray your trust never goes away and in part of how you deal with that person from that point forward.

For instance: Months ago I was taking off from work for a week. I needed to ensure I had someone to to cover my shifts in the event I can not get back in time. So asking fellow co-workers for their telephone numbers was fine, for most people. One co-worker said OK then later made up some wild story accusing me of something that never happened. Just this one person showed their willingness to make up stories to get undue attention. I have avoided this co-worker ever since. Trusting this person is not likely to happen for a very long time. the other co-workers have not given me a reason not to trust them, and in fact we continue to have good working relations.

Trust is a very heavy burden for anyone. Some people are very trusting until they are burned so many times they harden their hearts. Others may seem hard-of-heart, but this is just a caution as they decided weather they can trust you or not. Still there are those who don't trust anyone. Despite the people you encounter and deal with everyday, you need to ensure you can be trusted and continue to act in a trusting way.

This personal attitude will flow into all aspects of your life. It becomes part of your personality and soon others can see it in you. If you trust in God, then you need to be the kind of person that can be trusted like you trust God.

I am so thankful for the valley I am in. I told my dear friend this as we were going to church today. I also told her I am thankful for her and all the people God has put in my life. She told me she cherishes our friendship. The subject at church was titled Gratitude. I quickly drew the connection with my feeling of thankfulness to God and the subject in church. In Psalm 100:4-5 talks about entering with thanksgiving and praise to God and that His love lasts forever. This was the first bible verse in church today.

Psalm 100:4-5 Enter into His gates with thanksgiving, and into His courts with praise: be thankful unto Him, and bless His name. For the Lord is good; His mercy is everlasting; and His truth endureth to all generations.

We learned that deliverance comes through thanksgiving. My life situation is not the best, however, I am thankful for it. How could I have drawn closer to God and have so many prayers answered if my life was different. I an very thankful for all that God has done and is still doing. Whet we fail to be thankful for (appreciate) will eventually be taken for granted. This is something I have fallen into. So as God stripped away these things in my life I was not thankful for the worse my situation seemed to become. Over the years I have lost a high paying job, my IRAs, savings, apartment, and independence. Yes my life hurts me and I am still thankful for it.

My dear friend after church took off the ring I gave her and held it out to me, and asked if I want to take it back. She said she does not want mt to think that just because she is wearing a ring I gave her something is going to happen. I told her to put it back on. I felt devastated. She said my actions speak to her that I am expecting something from her. Despite all the conversations we have had she continues to see this as the means of our friendship. I began to wonder myself. This doubt I was feeling is bad. Doubt does not come from God.

At her place I finally said 'dear God' to her, and not in a good way. I am sorry that came out. She does not seem to remember. I took off my fing and began thinking about the weight of the commitment I made to God. It is something that weighs heavily on my mind and I still endure. As I continue to walk with God, the attacks from the enemy continue to get worse. The confrontations between my dear friend and I continue to come and get ever harder to handle. God please have your hand on our relationship. I don't want to loose this friend. Amen!

When God is working something good in our lives, the enemy wants to destroy it. The friendship between my dear friend and I God is working for good, and the enemy wants to stop. Being friends is going to bring about something great because God is working in this friendship. This is something the enemy wants to destroy.

Positive or negative? What is the core of your speech and speaking ability? Often I hear people tell others what they can't do. This is very negative. It shows they have no positive outlook at the world and the people in it. I say you should be encouraging and tell others what they can do.

Often my dear friend and I get into a conversation of why we can't be together. I think we should change the conversation to reasons why we should be together. Instead of automatically going to the negative, we should be concerned with the positive.

When dealing with people we need to keep in mind they are made in the image of God and He does love them. When dealing with people in the negative you will drive a wedge between you and them. Other emotions such as resentment can develop and grow into something worse. Always dealing with others in the negative can and often does cause division. I have seen families torn apart because of this.

On the other hand I have seen families drawn together as they deal with each other in the positive. When a wife supports her husband, he feels respected and loved. When a husband leads, provides, and cares for his wife, she feels loved.

If I start looking at my dear friend and I, and how we should be together, the first thing is: We have many things in common. Having many things in common does have merit in building a relationship. Having differences allows the relationship to continue to grow. It give something to conversations. If every moment is spent together, then there would be very little or nothing to talk about. Here are some questions we could answer the next time we get into this kind of conversation.

Are you drawn to the transcendent God through that person?
Do you have an alliance with the other person in your spiritual walks?
Do you experience spiritual growth from interacting with that person?
Does the other person challenge you spiritually, rather than you having to be the impetus?
Is the spiritual connection based on reality?
Is the person authentic as well as spiritual?
Is the relationship a place of mutual vulnerability about weakness and sins?

We commit idolatry by demanding that dating bring us the love, fulfillment, or desire we want without allowing God to point the way. Dating brings up powerful emotions and needs, and idolatry can become a reality. We need to keep God at the center focus of our lives.

Surrender brings us into proper alignment with God in order to grow up many other things in us and our lives. I met a woman when we were both 13. We did not live in the same neighborhood, however that did not keep us from still hanging out together. Latter that year I took her to the dance at school. For me it was my first dance and event. We continued to be friends over the years. By the time we were in our last year of high school we had become great friends.

You might ask what this has to do with dating and idolatry. In this case we did not have the pressures of expecting a committed relationship latter on in life. We just enjoyed being friends and grew close over the years. We continue to be friends today.

I made the mistake of getting involved with a woman out of ideals and worldly ideas. There was no real personal basis for the relationship. We continued on for three years until she got what she was after. this is an example of not allowing God in the relationship. If I kept my focus on God then I would have looked at the relationship from Gods perspective. I would have realized that she was not correct for me and walked away.

In any relationship it is better to know what God wants rather than going your own way. Each person has their own ideas for the future. these ideas generally don't align. This is where conflict tends to arise. Hearing what married couples have to say, having the same faith and communication are most important. Being blinded by ideas and idolatry block this essential relational aspect. It is best to be friends first.

Having that friendship becomes the firm foundation for any committed relationship.

Emotional connections are difficult for people when we do not take them to God for guidance. God is the author of all good things including dating. The Lord designed emotional connections and knows best how to conduct them in a way that is satisfying for us and brings glory to God.

Yesterday my dear friend again brought up the same conversation. She mentioned doubt is from the devil and is a distraction. I agree with. Furthermore constantly talking about where the relationship is or is not going distracts from having quality time together and enjoying the friendship. We are both Christians and want to live our lives for Jesus. Acts 17:28 "For in Him we live and move and have our being"

The more we surrender our lives for Jesus the more He will fashion our lives as we were meant to be. Over the last three months I have been going through this process and the personal, emotional, psychological, and relational changes I have gone through and still going through are hard to describe, however, I am pleased Jesus has made these changes in me.

This is my prayer for you: that you too will have a profound change and bring Jesus into your life.